The Weekly Nut; Animal Inspired Positive News

It was only a matter of time, folks. The Weekly Nut, our beloved, slightly unhinged squirrel-written newsletter bringing you the best in positive animal news, has officially gone blog! Why? Because you maniacs couldn’t get enough. What started as a fun little email turned into something our customers rave about more than our best-selling faux fur coats (and that’s saying something). We’ve had people reply with “THIS MADE MY DAY” and “I SPIT OUT MY COFFEE,” which, honestly, is the best compliment a writer could ask for. So here we are—giving the people what they want. More Weekly Nut, more positive animal news, more wild topics, and more nutty adventures for your reading pleasure. And don’t forget—it’s all told from the perspective of your most beloved squirrel.

And what better way to kick off our first official blog than with the topic that had everyone clutching their pearls (or at least their SpiritHoods) — Sex in the Animal Kingdom. Oh, you thought humans had a monopoly on weird kinks? Think again. So slip into one of our silky kimonos or put on a pair of our velvety soft leggings, because things are about to get really steamy.

This week I bring to you true positive animal news...

Let’s get one thing straight—humans did not invent kinks. Nature beat us to it millions of years ago. From dolphins engaging in mutual pleasure parties to certain insects that can’t get off without a little trauma play, the animal kingdom is a jungle (literally) of bizarre and fascinating fetishes. Take banana slugs, for example. Their mating ritual involves a very enthusiastic exchange of slime and, occasionally, biting off each other’s penises for funsies. No notes. Iconic behavior. Then there’s the anglerfish, the ultimate clingy partner—male anglerfish bite onto their female counterparts and fuse into them, losing their own eyes and internal organs in the process. If that’s not next-level commitment, we don’t know what is. And let’s not forget bonobos, who settle disputes, bond with friends, and just generally pass the time with casual, all-inclusive love-making. No shame. No drama. Just vibes.

So, to all our kinksters and lovers of the weird, wild, and wonderful, rest assured: Mother Nature fully endorses your freak flag. Whether you’re into gentle caresses, playful biting, or fusing into your partner until you cease to exist (hey, no judgment), just remember—you’re not alone. The animal kingdom is right there with you.

In some species of octopuses, males have a specialized arm called a hectocotylus, which they use to transfer sperm to the female. The male may detach this arm and leave it inside the female’s mantle cavity. The female can then use the stored sperm to fertilize her eggs at a later time. 

Bonobos, one of our closest primate relatives, use sexual behavior as a social tool. Bonobos engage in a wide range of frequent sexual activities, including genital-genital rubbing, oral sex, and same-sex interactions, not only for reproduction but also to resolve conflicts, bond with others, reduce social tensions, and ensure group cohesion.

Dolphins, particularly bottlenose dolphins, are known to engage in oral-genital contact. They use their beaks to stimulate the genital areas of other dolphins. This behavior occurs among both heterosexual and homosexual pairs and is thought to be part of the complex social interactions that dolphins are known for. Dolphins are highly intelligent and social animals, and their sexual behavior includes play and bonding, not just reproduction.

Male cuttlefish, particularly the smaller and less dominant ones, often disguise themselves as females to avoid detection by larger, dominant males during mating. This behavior allows them to approach a female without triggering aggression from the dominant male. Once close enough, the disguised male will quickly reveal his true identity and mate with the female.

Male redback spiders (a species of widow spider) often sacrifice themselves during mating. The male positions himself in a way that makes it easy for the female to consume him while they mate. This "sexual suicide" increases the male's chances of successful fertilization, as the female is less likely to mate with other males after consuming her current mate. The sacrifice also provides the female with valuable nutrients, which may increase the survival rate of the male's offspring.

In honey bee colonies, the queen mates with multiple males (drones) in flight. During mating, the drone's reproductive organ explodes, detaching and leaving part of it inside the queen, which kills the drone. This process ensures that the queen has enough sperm to last her lifetime, as she stores it in her body to fertilize eggs over the years.

Female squirrels are known to mate with multiple males during a single breeding season, a behavior known as polyandry. This can lead to a single litter of squirrel pups having multiple fathers, increasing the genetic diversity of the offspring. As a result of polyandry, there is intense sperm competition among the males. Males produce large quantities of sperm to increase their chances of successfully fertilizing the female’s eggs.

Well…that concludes this week’s nut! And now that I’m all hot and bothered I’m gonna go chase some tail. 

But before I do…

Why don’t squirrels ever settle down?

Because they’re always looking for the next nut.

Someone just get me to open mic night already! Seriously. My jokes crush.

Your friend,

 Squirrel The "Horney"Squirrel